Dear Meghan: My 6-year-old daughter can’t tolerate the sound of her 4-year-old sister’s chewing. The moment she hears her sister eating, my older one immediately gets upset. But here’s the thing — she does not react like this to anyone else’s eating or to any other sound at all. This has been going on for a few months.
Mealtime has gotten so challenging. I don’t want my younger one to feel bad about eating, and I don’t want my older one to have a meltdown every time her sister crunches. I’m waiting to hear from a therapist so we can talk about ways to manage this, but I’m at a loss in the meantime.
— Chewing Crisis
Chewing Crisis: This is interesting because at first glance, one would guess your 6-year-old has misophonia — “a neurophysiological disorder characterized by an excessive reaction of anger, disgust, and a ‘fight-or-flight’ response to specific sounds,” according to Boston Children’s Hospital. This “flight-or-fight” response is involuntary; a person (especially children with immature nervous systems) cannot help the reaction to the sounds.
Give your 6-year-old a pair of headphones during mealtime, and let her know that she can wear them as long as she needs. It may not be what you prefer at mealtimes, but it certainly beats the current situation.
Next, you want to confirm she really isn’t reacting to other’s sounds. Eat with her by yourself and try to replicate the chewing of your youngest. Does your eldest not even raise her head? Do you notice any tension in her body? Does she seem to be holding in disgust? Does she get up from the table and move around? I would also take her to other places to carefully watch her reactions to loud and repetitive sounds. Does she seem to be coping or completely fine? Make a list of how she reacts to other chewing and repetitive noises. It could be that your daughter is holding on by a thread in the other areas of her life, and the loud eating of her sister just sends her over the proverbial edge.
I am also curious about the “can’t tolerate” and getting “upset” reaction that your daughter is experiencing. Is she having true nervous system meltdowns, or is she annoyed? Does she seem physically unable to handle the sound, or is she being mean to her sister about the chewing? I am glad you contacted a therapist; have a diary ready for the therapist of when these behaviors occur with her sister outside of meals. The more information […]
View this full article on The Washington Post
Looking for more parenting support? Click Here.
Sign up for my Newsletter here to get this in your inbox every week!