How do I help my irritable 14-year-old son eat and sleep better?

Dear Meghan: My son is great. He is a smart and handsome 14-year-old. When he was younger, he smiled and talked all the time. Now he is quiet, and he’s always tired and irritable. It is partly because he doesn’t want to eat, drink water or go to bed on time. How do I get him to understand how important eating, sleeping and hydrating are to his mood and to everything he does?

— Moody

Moody: Thanks for writing in; raising a tired and irritable 14-year-old is tiring and irritating. Boys generally start puberty a little later than girls, and it can hit some boys like a ton of bricks. Exhaustion and irritability are typical, and it is also common for boys to become a bit withdrawn.

One of the most difficult parts of a teen in puberty is cocreating and holding boundaries in the house. For instance, maybe your son cannot get off his technology at night, and it’s hurting his bedtime. You and every expert out there know that screens, adolescents and bedtimes don’t mix well, but it can be difficult to fight this battle every night.

As the parent, you are allowed to set any rule you like around sleep and food, just be aware that any extreme rule-setting will probably lead to chaos or rebellion. No rules? Your teen could descend into sleeplessness, hurting his grades, mood and life in general. Too many rules and he could sneak and hide food or develop disordered eating patterns — yes, eating disorders happen to teen boys all the time.

The trick (and trust me, it feels like magic) is to find a place of rational and loving responsiveness when raising a teen. Our goal isn’t to raise an obedient human (as nice as it may seem). Our goal is to raise a human who is in touch with his emotions, who is responsible for himself, has patience, uses good judgment, who can […]

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