Q: How do I manage screen time for kids? Both of my sons, ages 12 and 9, LOVE (read: are addicted to) screens. My older child often connects with his friends by playing games online. I encourage him to go for bike rides, see movies or do anything in person, but he says his friends are either unavailable, too far away or prefer to play online. As a result, I’ve let him have more screen time than I probably should.
His younger brother also enjoys screens and keeps count of how long each child gets to use each one. Because his older brother often gets more time, he’s constantly complaining and/or storming off. They are both dysregulated when screen time is over and often start bickering. I’ve thought about eliminating screens completely, but that feels unfair to my older son. Help!
A: Welcome to parenting in 2024. Tech and parenting are brutal; there’s no way around it and I feel for you. You will buy a hundred books to figure out how to manage it, but the reality is that managing your children’s tech use is difficult.
There was a time when “no tech” was an option for many families, but those times are gone (in no small part due to the pandemic). Even elementary school students are expected to use laptops for homework and communication, and kids’ social lives are even more tied up in texting, video games and social media. And your older son isn’t wrong, his friends probably aren’t around. Children aren’t just roaming the streets anymore; they are in practices and after-school activities and yes, online.
So between our culture, the addictive nature of screens and how tiring it is to monitor the ever-changing tech, of course your children use screens too much. What are you supposed to do about it? To begin, the rules are going to be different for each child, and that’s that. Being “fair” in a family doesn’t mean that everyone gets everything equally; it’s developmentally inappropriate.
The best way to handle these differences is to decide, as a parent, what your boundaries are. If you have a partner, call a meeting and start chatting about what you want for your family. Where does tech contribute to fun and connection? Where does it result in meltdowns, arguments and disconnection? How do you want your children to […]
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