My daughter wants to go to a Travis Scott concert and I’m nervous

Q: My teenage daughter wants to go to a Travis Scott concert with some friends (one parent will be there; the concert is in another city nearby, so it’ll be an overnight trip). She is a wonderful, kind and hard-working kid, but I am having a hard time supporting a singer whose concert led to people being trampled to death a few years ago. Plus, his music has a lot of direct and indirect references to violence, misogyny and similar questionable traits. We are confused and any perspective would be appreciated.

A: It is understandable that you have some concerns; the trampling deaths of those young people were absolutely tragic and completely avoidable. Let’s take a look at this.

First, I don’t know how old your teen is, and that makes a difference. Is she 13 or 16? You may decide that, even with another parent there and even with your daughter’s characteristics of being “wonderful, kind and hard-working,” she is simply too young to be at this concert. And while you don’t say it, other parents will have older teens who still aren’t mature enough to go to shows like this and be expected to make good decisions. Only you know what is best for your child, based on her age, personality and maturity.

That said, there is a time in every parent’s life where they have to face the fact their child is growing up, becoming more independent and can face some (reasonable) risk. We all want our children to be safe forever, but the reality is that you must teach your child how to assess danger and risk, not to completely avoid it. Here are some questions that I would ask to gauge your child’s readiness for this trip:

Does your teen respond to your texts and calls?
Does your teen have friends who seem to make good decisions? Not perfect, not great … just good.
Does your teen talk to you about things going on in their life or with their friends? You don’t need to gab like girlfriends, but if you don’t know much about your teen’s life or anything about their friends, this could be a spot to improve in your relationship.
Does your teen come to you for advice or with their problems? Teens who don’t feel they can go to their parents tend to make riskier decisions.
Has your teen been to other concerts? Concert experience is important!
Does your teen understand misogyny and violence? What do they have to say about it?
And this isn’t about your child, but do you trust the adult that they are traveling with?

If the answer is “yes” to almost every question, I would argue that your teen is likely ready for this trip. Of course, you will talk to them about the nature of concerts like these. Discuss how crowds work, and how they can be dangerous. Explain how drugs are passed in concerts. You can talk about getting roofied (it happens) and about fentanyl being in otherwise innocuous-looking meds. If you don’t […]

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