Q: My child, who just turned 3, is smart, fun and lovely, but lately, everything has become a battle, despite how much connection and how many choices we give. How can I help with transitions? We were having luck with minute countdown reminders, but that has stopped working. How do I move things along?
A: Congratulations on having a typical 3-year-old: fun, smart, defiant and strong-willed. Transitions are typically tiring with many 3-year-olds, so I find it odd when parents tell me that nothing is hard or untoward with their little one. Don’t get me wrong: There is the occasional 3-year-old who is easy like Sunday mornings, but they are the exceptions. More important than having easy transitions is understanding the developmental stage of your preschooler. When you understand that your child’s brain is under construction, and when you understand the individuation process, your lens will change when you see these behaviors.
The essential needs of preschoolers are rest (from separation, as well as physical rest), play (this is how they learn) and tears (to cry about what doesn’t work for them). When your child can rest in their connection with you and you don’t threaten them with separation or send them away, then your child is free to grow and mature.
Unlike the 2-year-old who took all of their cues from you (the countdowns worked), remember that the 3-year-old takes this and says, “Hey, it’s time to mature!” Having opinions, being willful and doing the opposite, while tiring, are how children establish themselves in this world. And let’s step back: Your goal isn’t to […]
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