40 Things all Families are Doing But You This Summer

After reading this, I decided to write this:

 

40 Things all Families are Doing But You This Summer

 

1. Frolicking on beach, building huge sandcastles. There are no tears, and there are enough shovels and buckets for every single child.
2. Eating popsicles on the beach. No sand in any popsicle. Ever.
3. Eating ice cream, sitting next to sparkling pools. No dripping ice cream. Everyone got the flavor they wanted.
4. Babies splashing in sparkling pools. No crying. No poop-filled swimmy-diaper.
5. Children happily and willingly standing, arms out, having sunscreen applied. Thank you for protecting my skin, Mom!
6. Children running on beach in full sun shirts and sun hats. No one has demanded the hat come off or thrown it in the water.
7. Siblings, walking hand in hand, down a sun-dappled row of stalls at a farmer’s market. No shoving. No hitting. No whining. Only smiling and handholding.
8. Parents clinking glasses of IPA while children catch lightning bugs in mason jars with small holes poked in top.
9. Parents gazing into each other’s eyes while children roll in grass. What fun! We are so lucky.
10. Plane rides with smiling children; please pass the pretzels, Mom? No crying babies. Everyone on the plane is smiling and pleased.
11. In-laws who babysit at all hours PLEASE, we want the kids. Go! Go the bar on the beach! Have a margarita for me!
12. Smiling children, practicing piano all summer.
13. Smiling children, completing their summer reading by the end of June. Phew, that’s out of the way!
14. Play dates full of baking sugar cookies that look like whales. Or anchors.
15. Play dates where the children prefer to spend their time building structures outside. Made from whatever they find on the ground. No technology for us, Mom!
16. Swim meets, 78 degrees, children nestled in cozy towels. I knew I could do it, Mom!
17. Children bouncing out of bed for all day camp. Teeth brushed, appropriate clothing on, sunscreen applied, healthy lunch ready.
18. Chicken grilled, loving placed in a salad freshly pulled from the garden. Neighbors bring artisanal cheese. No mosquitoes. No gnats. No bees. No bugs at all. Anywhere.
19. Children are bruise, blemish, and bug bite-free. No one breaks his or her arm riding a bike. Everyone is healthy and laughing and sharing.
20. Mom never sweats. No sweat is under her breasts, armpits, down her back, or on the back of her thighs. She may pat her brow and smile, here and there.
21. Mom’s tanned, toned arms easily lift baby. Mom navigates the steps of her porch easily, even in a 7 ft maxi-dress.
22. Mom reads latest novel (educational while entertaining) while children set up lemonade stand. We are going to donate everything to SPCA, Mom!
23. Parents drink and drink alcohol, but never wake up hung-over. Darling, you sleep, I will take the children for artisanal donuts.
24. Family bike rides end overlooking at beach at sunset. No one cries on the long ride home. No one gets off bike and throws it to the side. Everyone agrees: Best ride ever.
25. Children practice math facts all summer between helping with laundry and the dishes.
26. Children make the beds with the anchor and shell sheets. The windows are always open and the curtains always blow in the breeze, but only slightly.
27. All meals are served on platters and decorative plates with shells and lobsters on them. I love to bring these out every season! Who needs paper plates?
28. Everyone loves the artisanal pizza made from locally sourced ingredients. Mom, this lobster-corn pizza is AMAZING.
29. When it is time for bed, the children close their classics and kiss all of the adults good night, one by one. Thanks for a special day, Mom.
30. The children all have a spattering of freckles across the nose; there is no sunburn. There is no “spot” that was missed smack in the middle of the back. Each child is as brown as chestnut, but not in a way that looks like skin cancer.
31. Every ride at the state fair is arms up, wild laughter. No one feels sick. No one cries. Everyone laughs and laughs. Big sister helps little brother off of ride. Smiling and laughing!
32. Every child wears clothing adorned with alligators and anchors and boats and shells on them. There are no Grandma Gave Me This Shirt ‘Cause I’m Her Favorite The girls wear shorts that cover their bottoms and the boys wear shorts that are non-athletic, and the babies wear gingham bubbles with buttons, not snaps. Oh no, really, they are easy!
33. The father wears surfer flip-flops, but his feet are tan and his toes are neat.
34. Mom, effortless in her maxi dress, wears no bra and her breasts stay high. She flits about the artisanal gelato shop in modest espadrilles They are back; they never left. Her makeup is natural, glowing, and allows only the slightest smile lines to show near her eyes. Because life IS smiling.
35. The family happily pack matching luggage for a 12-hour drive! I brought cards! I brought raw almonds! I made a playlist of Bob Marley and Sheryl Crow!
36. The family is in the Land Rover. Time to meet the friends at the Cape!
37. The family is in the Mercedes SUV/Hybrid. Time to hit the lake!
38. The family is in refurbished jeep (only two parents, two children). Time to hit the bonfire at the beach!
39. The children, drowsy and sun-kissed, mumble as their parents lift them into bed, Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad. No one has peed themselves in the car. No one has thrown up. No one has hit the other sibling, and no one whined for another movie.
40. The parents smile, click off the light and gaze at the children sleeping. The car is crumb-free. The luggage can wait. The parents are ready for the next day. There are groceries in the fridge. No laundry. No smell of something weird in the house. All appliances work. The husband, smelling faintly of cologne and artisanal BBQ smoke, wraps his arms around Mom’s slim waist. It’s been a perfect summer.

 

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