Q: I remember you writing once about not over-teaching your kids to help them learn. Well, summer’s coming. What are your thoughts for keeping children fresh/up on things so the transition back to school isn’t too tough? My child is going into fourth grade, and we have lots of fun all summer, then returning to school is beyond difficult and it takes him three months to get back into the routine and remember he has to do work. Is there a little work we should do this summer? While still enjoying the summer, of course.
A: When I read this question, I knew that there would be more than one parent having the same concern, especially coming at the end of the academic year.
The article you mention is one where I respond to a parent who is heavily coaching her young child to write her letters and learn to read. When the child is that young, excessive coaching and pushing hinder learning . The child will begin to resist any guidance from the parent, especially in the realm of learning. Children, especially very young children, learn through play, creativity, some healthy boredom and raw materials.
But your question is a little different. Now we are discussing a rising fourth-grade student who may need a little more guidance during the summer months. And as much as I love frolicking for all children, I also recognize the need to keep up some amount of learning.
A couple of years back, one of my children switched schools for second grade. It soon became clear that my daughter, who was good at school and liked it, was a full year behind in math. She and I were shocked and disheartened. What were we going to do? Homework was an impossible task as the numbers swam in front of her eyes. Every night, she sat with her head in her hands and cried. I looked on, powerless. It was pretty depressing.
The school swung into action, giving her intense help with a specialist a couple of days a week. The math skills came fairly quickly; the confidence took longer. My daughter felt pretty insecure for a long time. But between math games and reassuring smiles from the specialist (who is, quite possibly, the kindest woman I have ever met), my daughter fully caught up in both skills and confidence.
Great, right? We celebrated in a meeting with the specialist at the end of the year, and I looked forward to a summer of swimming, ice pops and lightning bugs. “Not so fast,” the specialist said. She explained that my daughter needed to work on these skills all summer.” Of course, the specialist knew that my daughter would backslide if she ignored her math all summer. As a former teacher, I knew this, too, but blech. I saw nothing but struggle, begging, pleading, rewards and punishments in front of me. I let out a long sigh, but remember, this was a kind specialist who loves and understands children. She had a ton of ideas for me.
You need these ideas, because your son struggles in such a way that some summer schoolwork and routine is needed.
If you had written, “Meghan, I want my son to learn more, be better, be faster, be more competitive and excel in a subject in which he already has some mastery,” my answer would have been, “Mmmm, no.”
A couple of handouts for children who already have mastery? Sure. Some iPad games? Okay. Some functional math? Yup. Beyond that, parents begin to push children out of a need to serve their own egos, worries and competitiveness. Children of these parents should be sent away to camp for the entire summer.
But here we are talking about a young man who, when out of the routine of school, really has trouble getting back into the swing of it. He is losing learning time and confidence, and you are undoubtedly losing sleep in anguish, frustration and worry every fall.
So, let’s help him. Here is a mix of tips, from the beloved specialist and me:
2. Make it fun. As much as I will decry some technology as the downfall of humanity, boy, there are smart people making some great math apps. Have him go on Commonsensemedia.org (or another similar Web site that rates appropriate content for specific ages) and find the apps that he likes best. As long as they are age appropriate, they’re fine.
3. Make it easy. Ask his teachers for worksheets (or recommendations) that are both a grade below and on grade level. Give the “easy” worksheets in the beginning of the summer. Let him feel confident and allow there to be very little burden. As he breezes through them, add more challenging worksheets. I am recommending worksheets because pencil to paper is important for handwriting skills and brain growth. Pick a time, set aside about 15 minutes, and have everyone in the family practice something. For me, it’s crossword puzzles. For my little ones, it is writing letters or grade-level work in math or writing. The “group” aspect of this makes everything more palatable.
4. Be flexible. Look at the totality of the summer and reasonably try to figure out what you ca n do. Consider leaving the worksheets at home for the week you go to the beach. If he has been working well and without complaint, think about doing something fun (ice cream for breakfast, anyone?) to celebrate. If he doesn’t feel well and is exhausted, let it go.
5. Smile. Hug. (Repeat all summer.) Weather the eye rolls and sighs with patience and good humor. Tell him you are proud of his dedication to the family practice time. Share your progress with your crosswords with the family with pride. And when the fall is a little easier, remind him that he practiced all summer. Well done, all of you.
Find this over at The Washington Post here.