Q: My high school teen seems stuck. She has goals but doesn’t make progress and spends a lot of time in bed. If I try to discuss it with her, she gets angry. She simultaneously doesn’t want my interference and won’t do certain things unless I “help” her. She has a therapist and likes her sessions but I don’t see much behavioral change. She says she wants a job, a driver’s license and hobbies but only talks about them and takes little action. What is my role here? Stay out of it and let the chips fall where they may? Is there anything non-offensive I can do to nudge her along?
A: This sounds exhausting for you and your teen. When I hear these symptoms, my mind runs through a couple of questions:
- Has there been a recent transition or event that would explain this withdrawn behavior?
- How have her friendships, school performance and/or hobbies changed?
- How long has this behavior been going on, and what are the patterns around it? For instance, is it worse in the morning or evening?
- How is her eating, sleep and exercise?
As you assemble the answers to these questions, a thorough check up is required to be sure that she is physically well. A full blood panel should be taken as there are many biological issues that affect energy and mood.
Next I would call a meeting with her therapist. Without breaking confidentiality, I would assess where your daughter is in the therapy. Are they working toward goals, and is there an improvement or growth happening in the sessions? Is there a need for a psychiatrist? I am not suggesting medication, but if your teen has no other issues other than mood challenges, a small dose of medication can help her benefit from therapy. Again, I’m putting options on the table.
The fact that she is seeing a therapist and wants to drive, work and have hobbies is wonderful. As a parent coach, I’m always asking, “Does the child want or have the aspiration to move toward goals?” If the answer is yes, then the obstacle is breaking down the path to get there. Executive functioning issues could be making it difficult to break down big goals into small steps and manage those steps. Depression could be causing overwhelm to prohibit action. Anxiety could be influencing the brain to bounce from real or perceived problems. Either way, […]
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