Q: How do you help a fifth-grader become more comfortable with public speaking? My 11-year-old does not like “people looking at her.” She refuses to participate in activities like choir or drama and as a young child she wouldn’t perform with her preschool class. She did make it through all of her elementary school performances, but those ended in second grade as covid disrupted third and fourth and they don’t do them in fifth. She had her screen off during Zoom school.
Now, public speaking in front of the class is required. Her first attempt left her in tears and unable to start. A combo of snow days and teacher absence gave her 10 days in between attempts. She practiced in front of family multiple times a day and knew her material really well. We talked about all the normal strategies (looking at the back of the room, one friend, the teacher, etc.) and told her to just look at her PowerPoint screen if she got too nervous. She made it through one slide before falling apart into tears. Her teacher moved her computer (with the slides) so it was between her and the class. She finished like that.
She has another class presentation and wax museum in May. She’ll have to present to the class and then do a short speech to many small groups of people (elementary students and parents) during the wax museum. How can we help her be ready for this and be more comfortable going forward?
A: Thank you for writing in, I imagine this is very stressful to witness. Watching our children suffer is simply awful, so let’s find a way to reframe this as well as give her some tangible support.
To begin, many children are afraid of public speaking. In fact it is one of the main fears of many adults. When it comes to normalizing this fear, please let your daughter know that several well-known people were and are afraid of public speaking; Julia Roberts, Jay-Z and Jim Gaffigan, to name a few). Many more tell stories of total and abject terror at having to speak publicly as children; your daughter is good company.
I would like to remind you, and every reader, that she lost two solid years of social practice and resilience-building. Two critical years that she would have been incrementally working on raising her hand in class, sharing her opinions with teachers and peers, and giving small presentations on different subjects. Not alone did she lose these years, but there was a regression in her slipping away behind a turned-off camera. To be crystal-clear, I blame not one person for this: not the teacher, you or, most of all, your daughter. She did her best, and that time is gone. As much as this country and our parenting culture wants to move full-steam ahead, it is useful to still see that some of your daughter’s social and educational skills are still that of an 8-year-old. This reframe doesn’t mean we drop expectations, but it does provide […]
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