Q: My daughter is a persistent “info dumper.” I suspect, based on her dad, that she is neurodivergent in some fashion. (She has been diagnosed mildly attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder inattentive.)
I was thinking of spending a set amount of time with her daily for her to info dump. Do you think 15 minutes a day of my direct attention for her to talk about whatever her interest is is enough? I try to listen throughout the day, but I work from home, she has an older brother who also wants my attention and sometimes we are trying to discuss something else. (She’s pretty focused on her current topic and will just start talking about it in the middle of a conversation.)
I thought I could arrange with her for that daily time, so she could look forward to it. Any other ideas as to how I can direct this trait and help her feel heard and seen?
A: Thanks for writing in. “Info dumping,” or talking about an interest or passion, usually in detail and at length, is frequent in both ADHD and autism. In ADHD, the impulsivity plus passion equals a “spilling” kind of feeling, and the motor behind it can feel as if it’s whirring. It may feel the same in autism, but folks with autism report that it feels more passionate and important rather than impulsive.
In both cases, it can be hard for the person to “read the room,” or to see that the person they are talking to is bored, overwhelmed or busy with something else. Also, in both cases, no one is trying to be rude or insensitive, and they aren’t trying to bully; the info dumping is a way for these children to connect and share. In fact, info dumping is often a love language for many children with autism, and it should absolutely be encouraged and treated as special. I found the site And Next Comes L to be enormously helpful in understanding info dumping.
I don’t know how old your child is, but she has already received a diagnosis of mild ADHD of the inattentive type, so I’m guessing older than 5 or 6. I am so glad that you are thinking of helping her to feel heard and seen, because this kind of perspective will keep you in a compassionate state of mind […]
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