Q: How do I handle a 12-year-old boy who needs constant supervision to complete his homework? If I do not micromanage him, he gets distracted and doesn’t complete his assignments.
A: I can guarantee there are hundreds of parents who are reading this and empathize with your position. Your essential question to me is: “How do I handle a 12-year-old boy,” and I would switch the verb from “handle” to “support.” Why do I suggest this change? Because humans are allergic to being handled, especially 12-year-old boys. He may believe he needs you to be at his side to complete work, but I can guarantee that being handled gets in the way of his growth and maturity, in terms of learning and life in general.
Before this sounds like a pile-on, I have nothing but empathy for parents who have found themselves in this quandary. No parent I’ve met has decided one day, “I’m going to create an unsustainable homework situation and micromanage my son!” No, habits like this are death by a thousand cuts and what starts with a little worksheet here and there turns into hours of whining, power struggles and exasperation.
How you should support your son depends on why he is so distracted. At first glance, it looks like a classic attention-deficit issue, but we don’t know. Anxiety can look like distractedness. A learning disability or difference can look like distractedness. Trauma and grief can look like distractedness. Essentially, the brain bounces around as soon as it isn’t sure what to do, and what can feel like a willpower issue is simply coping.
I would first sit down with his teachers to get an accurate picture of who your son is in the school setting. You should definitely let the teachers know about the struggles at home and ask them what they see at school. Second, if possible, ask the teachers for a reprieve […]
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