Meghan Leahy, a parenting coach with Positively Parenting will join On Parenting editor Amy Joyce to talk about parenting children of all ages.

Mari-Jane Williams: Hi, everyone, and thanks for joining us today. I’m filling in for Amy this week, but Meghan is here and there are lots of questions, so let’s get going. Check out her most recent column, with advice for a mom whose three-year-old is acting up while dad is away for a military deployment, here.
Q: potty training – online only, please
Hello! Thanks for your time. I have a 3.5 yo boy who is just not into potty training. He is very independent and likes to figure things out on his own. He is also a little bit speech delayed. (He used to be a lot speech delayed but at this point it’s mostly diction and his communication is excellent.) His daycare does not push it so we are not in a time crunch. We don’t convey pressure to do it to him. Rather we tell him we are ready when he is ready. Previously when it comes up he says he’s not ready. But recently I brought it up and said we could try to work on it before school starts and he told me to “be quiet and don’t talk about it” and it seemed to be like he seemed scared/nervous about it. Today he got out a potty book but when I asked if he was ready he cried and said no. Again, we aren’t pressuring him (or at least we think we aren’t). I believe it’s a confidence issue (obviously at this age he is showing tons of readiness signs) and I’m not sure how to build him up. Or should we just stop asking him and wait until he tells us he’s ready?
A: Meghan Leahy
I think you need to lay off. You have the wonderful luxury of not having pressure from the school, so I would follow his lead on this.

In the meanwhile, I would normalize that it is okay to be nervous about stuff (don’t focus on potty training), and that mommy and daddy (or whatever parents) get nervous about things, too.

Keep focusing on, no matter what, you are going to take care of him and it will be OKAY.

Why?

Potty training requires relaxation and where does relaxation come from? The parent/child connection.

He is getting there, I am seeing all the signs.

Your job is just to enjoy him, keep gently challenging his nervousness, and love him through it.

Q: Is daycare/preschool right for 3 year olds
Hi – My husband and I work full time and have our daughter in a daycare preschool for 8 to 9 hours 5 days a week. The ratio of adults to child is 1:10 with 20 kids in the classroom. This seems like too many kids per adult, especially since they’re 3, and I get the sense that for most of the day the kids are expected to play with each other and get very limited one on one time with adults. The kids have to chase down the adults. In two months my daughter hasn’t made friends in her new 3 year old classroom and now drags her feet every morning. Whenever I leave her at day care I feel horrible watching her sad face as she starts playing by herself. I feel like 3 is a little young to not want to be going to school but maybe my expectations are too high. Should I look for a new place for her? As soon as she moved to the 3 year old classroom (she was 3.5 when they moved her) her behavior got worse. How can anyone think 10:1 in a 3 year old classroom is a good idea?
A: Meghan Leahy
I think you just wrote out your intuition to me and you want me to tell you that you are right.

You are.

Can a daycare with this ratio work well? Sure.

But children this age are meant to be oriented to their caregivers, not other children.

It is unreasonable for children this age to play together well all day.

If you think you should look around, then do it.

Find this over on The Washington Post

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