First, let’s all agree on one simple precept: every human on Earth loathes being bossed around. Every. Single. One.
We are programmed to do the opposite of what we are commanded to do.
That is what a healthy human does! We are not meant to obey rude and brusque commands and demands.
How would we ever become a freethinking, creative, and inspired people if we blindly followed commands?
So, how can parents stop all that bossing around?
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1) Acknowledge that you are being bossy and have been calling that “parenting.” This is not a failure on your part. This doesn’t mean that everything is a mess. It means you have fallen into a pattern that is not working for you. Accept the pattern, accept the responsibility, and begin to forgive yourself and move on.
2) Think before you speak. Ask yourself: “How can I say this in a way that is more respectful? More kind?” If you cannot think of another, keep your mouth shut until you can.
3) Check your own stress. The more we stressed we are, the more bossy we become. We need to simply pause and, unless someone is in danger, decide that our request is best left for later. When we are stressed, our brain is telling us everything is imminent. Our brain is trying to protect us (thanks, brain!), but it is really just creating more mayhem. And bossiness.
4) Establish a routine. If the table 
always needs to be set, why do we demand and boss it every single evening? Set up a routine where the kids can manage themselves.
5) Ask yourself if the request is developmentally appropriate. This is not necessarily by age; this is also about your child! Often, we are commanding and demanding our children to do things, but they are either not ready, brain-wise or physically. The child’s lack of readiness or our poor routines lead to nagging and then POOF! We are bossing them around.
6) Get support. Your spouse, your partner, friends, childcare, other family members…have them catch your bossiness and have them call you on it. Hang up stickies that say, “KIND REQUESTS.” Whatever you need to do!
Are you interested in getting parenting support? Click Here.
Thanks for these tips…they’re awesome reminders, just like your Facebook post today about your middle child…thank you, thank you, thank you!
I need this class! I am a control freak and my 6 year old is bossy and argumentative. I need new strategies! Please and thank you!
Every time I catch myself being bossy I can’t help but remember that tone of voice on which my own mom would make requests to me and I still get chills when that happens. But the great thing is that my son reacts to my bossiness and that has made him a great teacher for me. It is so hard to break generational patterns and develop self control in these areas. Thanks for the great advise!!
I am the oldest of four children, so bossy is my middle name? Is there any hope of changing?!
Tania, you are the winner! I drew a number out of a hat, and it was you! Woo hoo!
I will be sending you an invite to class…
Look for it in your in-box!
Fantastic advice! Sometimes my bossiness makes me so frustrated. These tools will help a lot with being a more effective parent.
This information is so important! I have never been a bossy person, sometimes to a fault. I could be considered a push-over always preferring to let others make the decisions. Buuuut then I met Abby, my very spirited 4 year old. She is so confident and strong-willed by nature. This created quite a situation for me as her mother! I am constantly trying to walk the fine line between allowing her to be her and also wanting her to follow my directions. Sometimes I feel like my words go in one ear and out the other, and then as she calls it I start to use my “sharp voice”, which is probably the bossiness coming out. This turns her off right away and doesn’t get us anywhere good. Such a good reminder that I need to be constantly checking myself and my tone of voice.
Enjoyed your presentation immensely at Wednesday Morning Group recently! Would love more!