“My children are always complaining about how bored they are! We have millions of toys and activities, but if our children have 15 minutes free minutes, they are lost. I am dreading summer!”
As a parent coach with young kids myself, I know it can be tough to allow your children to be bored. And I also know that the answer is as simple and as it is difficult.
You have to allow your child to be bored.
But how? “How do I allow my child to be bored?” you ask. Well, you just do. You have to not get sucked into the whining and complaining. You have to not get sucked into, “All of my toys are stupid” or “I have plaaaaayed that game a hundred times, mooooom.”
To begin, start small with allowing boredom!
“You have time between 1-3 PM to find something to do. I can give your one or two ideas. Let me know.”
Then you have to hold on for dear life. Your child is going to follow you around, whining, crying, and muttering about his or her extreme boredom. As the parent, you will have thoughts like, “This child has everything, how can he possibly be bored?” Or, “I work and work and work and still, these children are sucking me dry. I NEED A BREAK.” Or “I never bothered my parents like this when I was younger.”
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As these thoughts cycle in and out, you must simply breathe. Rest-assured that as you weather this storm, the child will eventually tire and find something to do. The more you have interfered in the past, the longer this process may take, but it is worth it. Why?
When children are bored, their creative juices start to flow again. The BBC recently published an article citing the importance of the boredom-creativity link.
“The academic, who has previously studied the impact of television and videos on children’s writing, said: “When children have nothing to do now, they immediately switch on the TV, the computer, the phone or some kind of screen. The time they spend on these things has increased.
“But children need to have stand-and-stare time, time imagining and pursuing their own thinking processes or assimilating their experiences through play or just observing the world around them.”
It is this sort of thing that stimulates the imagination, she said, while the screen “tends to short circuit that process and the development of creative capacity’.” http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-21895704
The irony is that the more we don’t allow our children to be bored, the more accustomed they become to being entertained. The more entertained the children are, the deeper the brain habits are ingrained. Their young brains are literally conditioned to constant entertainment, whether it is from a parent or caregiver or technology!
Look at this summer as an opportunity to break your children from this cycle! Go on technology fasts and, while I love enrichment activities, think of holding a firm boundary on only one or two.
Stay strong, don’t give into the whining, and watch what happens. Creativity will bloom before you know it!
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Completely agree! It’s definitely easier with some kids than others, like everything I guess.
My husband and I were JUST talking about this very thing. I am totally guilty of not letting my kids get bored.
This sums up my life!!! And it makes so much sense. Here’s to boredom this summer!
I agree. Being bored can lead us to find actives that we love and grow from, that we may not have done if not given the time to find them.
Thank you! I had forgotten the beauty in boredom. Some of my fondest childhood memories were of lying on the grass watching the clouds and wondering what shape would come by next.
When my dad was growing up, his dad would take the picture tube out of the TV at the beginning of the summer and put it back in at the start of the football season. I wish I could take a tube out! Maybe I will remove the remote.
A friend told me his son likes to write “books” — draws a picture, writes a few words. I told my 5-year-old about this the other day and asked if that sounds fun. I’ll mention it a few more times and see if he decides that would be fun to do. I think offering ideas while you chat with your children throughout the day can be a way to get their creative juices flowing and teach them that they have plenty of great ideas and don’t need to be bored!
I love the reassurance here that it’s okay to say this to our kids. My daughter can deal with this response, or at least a couple suggestions of what she can do and she’s off doing it. My son on the other hand wants non-stop interaction with us and it’s just not possible all the time. We’ve relied too often on TV or video games to fill some of that hole, but I want to break the cycle.
A good reminder with weeks of unscheduled time coming up soon. This was especially hard with my first child because we played with her/entertained her constantly when she was young. It was a gradual adjustment when we started to realize we’d all be better off without us meddling so much!
I’ve seen this so real life for the last months. I had my kids booked in 3 different after school activities (each) and when I cut that down, they began to feel bored… and started being creative. Incredible how much these little minds are capable of. It is challenging and this process has brought so many changes in me as well…
School is not even over and I am hearing I AM BORED already. I have 10,000 things to do and they cannot think of even one thing. ARGH!
I am finding that the whole “leave it alone” thing works (sometimes) with a whole host of things with kids… Kids arguing? If I just leave it alone, sometimes they actually work it out themselves (even with a 2 and 4 year old!). Kids bored? Leave them alone and they will eventually think that stick over there is the best toy ever (OK, not the safest choice, but, fun!).
I was so often bored as a kid, and it served me well. I’m definitely a creative type. As Einstein said, “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” Accepting and transcending boredom without screens or entertainment is one of the toughest lessons even for adults in today’s world!!! I’m trying to figure out how to instill this in my boys (5 and 7). These days they can barely occupy themselves without the use of a screen or
some other entertainment. It’s really hard!! It’s going to be a long summer, but this post gives me conviction!!
I need this class! I need to help my own family and all the kids that I work with every day!!! Medicine does not have all the answers!!!
This is a great,Meghan! I completely agree that children need to be “bored” every once in a while. I love the idea of technology fasts. Will definitely do that this summer. Thanks!!
I completely agreed that kids need to feel boredom in order to grow their brains and tap into their innate creativity. I LOVE when my 7 y.o. son says he’s bored because I try to wait out the whining and watch what he comes up with. The other day he painted a Monet WaterLily painting (that’s what he called it) while he was “bored.”
My kids are 9,11 and14. I found it easier when they were younger to allow them to be bored. Feels so much harder now – I do believe it is important to have no electronics- although I realize I wasnt including TV in this. Will have to try harder with summer here.
Thank you. This is valuable insight and encouragement, to know others face this too.
My daughter is best at entertaining herself just when we need to walk out the door to go somewhere. Especially if we need to be there at a certain time.
Totally agree! My oldest tends to complain more about being bored, but she ends up figuring something out to occupy her time (other than TV & DS games)
My nearly 4 year old has been showing signs of stopping his afternoon nap. I am terrified of the whining, the boredom, the annoyance – because no nap means I have to entertain him. Ugh. Can’t he just keep napping until he’s ready for high school?
We just discussed this at the dinner table with our 7 year olds tonight. Our conversation centered around their accomplishments since K thru 1st grade and how to hold on to these memories during the chaos of their last week of school. In preparation for the summer, we discussed (in kid language) how to avoid impulsivity or the “need to do something” all the time, what it means to dial it back and to enjoy deeper our connections to one another, our extended family and our downtime…while managing expectations that there will be some structure to maintain things like reading or writing from time to time. This “theme” will resurface from time to time but not daily…and remarkably, each of our kids shared what they were eager to do or not this summer…a good framework to start the summer and not to over-plan.
My issue is that when my kids get bored they come to me. I love my kids and am always happy to play, but that’s not always possible. What then?
We desperately need this course!! Can’t wait to hear more
My husband and I discussed this concept of boredom (and impulsivity – in kid language) w/ our triplet 7 yr olds tonight, sharing the importance of summer transition, managing expectations of how to appreciate and maximize downtime while still using time to make “family connect” time with one another or themselves. This created opportunity to discuss the “feeling” of being together vs. all that we wished to accomplish, do or go. At an age where camps may not be necessary, and more downtime could give way to bickering or fussiness if “bored” we are eager to put in motion some unstructured, creative play again, as well as some 1:1 time which everyone looked forward to in our plans for making family a priority as we slow down the pace and try not to fill each and every moment.
This is so true. My almost 4 year old who is not that into screen time can sit for what seems likes hours and play with her my little ponies where as me almost 7 year old gets totally sucked in to the screens and when her time is up with the screens she seems to be walking aimlessly around the house. She we do take a good break from screen time she seems to come up with some creative writing and beautiful artwork.
This really resonates with me. I like the idea of starting with a couple of hours and seeing where it goes. What better time to start than the summer, when there is infinite creative inspiration to be found outside! Thanks for the inspiration!
Megan, you are the winner!
Thank you for commenting…
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I think in many occasions the same goes for the adults in our lives. It’s ok to be bored; it’s part of life and helps us to spur creative solutions and or hone in on what’s really important.