We think ALL answers reside in talking (and hey, it is MY biz, too, so I get it), but so much good comes out of NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION.
The more I work on myself and with parents, the more I realize that we are largely not in touch with our bodies. We are not in touch with our children’s bodies. We are not using a good chunk of our senses because….why? Not deemed as “smart?” Not deemed as obvious? Uncomfortable?
I went to a mommy/daughter yoga class Saturday night. I massaged my six year old’s feet, her hands, and her shoulders. She was the most relaxed, the most contented, the most connected I had seen her in a long time.
No talking involved. JUST TOUCH.
I don’t remember the last time I had simply touched my daughter this much! Ahhh, wait. Yes, I do. Here she is, hours after being born, with her older sister. Being loved, loved, loved. Touched, touched, touched.
When we take touch out of equation, our brains are left to figure everything out, and I gotta tell ya, that’s a little frightening. I don’t know about your brain, but mine can be really mean. As in, sending me crazy messages full of despair, anger, and irrationality. If I listened to those messages, if I took them seriously and heeded them, well, I would start to believe them. I know this to be true, because I used to listen and believe them. It was saddest, loneliest, most crazy-making time of my life.
As Anne Lamott says,
“My mind is a neighborhood I try not to go into alone.”
If you are struggling with your child and you have talked-talked-talked it death, brought it back to life, and talked it to death again….try touch. Gentle, loving touch. The snuggles from the baby-days. It may not come naturally, but give it time…it’s all there…it will come back.