Meghan Leahy, a parenting coach with Positively Parenting, joined On Parenting editor Amy Joyce to talk about parenting children of all ages.
Morning all. Thanks for joining Meghan Leahy today for the chat about all things parenting. Here’s her column from today, about a child who hits. If you want to see what else we have going on at On Parenting, here you go.
Okay, lots of questions await, so let’s have at it, shall we?
I am going to say something that may cause people to roll their eyes, but you should be disciplining your daughter in a restaurant the same way you discipline her at home. Just as you would speak to a co-worker respectfully at a formal meeting or just in the hallways. Just as you would disagree with a partner at party as you would at home.
Not to say that we can give all of time and attention to a child in a restaurant that we would at home, but please thoroughly sit with this statement: as much as humanly possible, your child should ALWAYS feel safe with you. Even if you are using boundaries and consequences. YOUR CHILD SHOULD ALWAYS FEEL PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY SAFE.
1) never read those books, never will
2) I pretty much let my kids read anything outside of some really out there stuff because…well, books.
Now, that being said, follow your mother worry and look at it. Just because a child is mature and a good reader doesn’t mean that they are always ready for a book.
Could you read it first?
Can you read them with her and chat?
My thinking is that if you clamp down too hard: “NO! These books are NOT APPROPRIATE!” she will only be more tempted to sneak read, and we don’t want that.
I would also visit your local book store or library and talk to someone who knows about this genre. What other books could your daughter read (with or without you) that could LEAD UP to the Twilight series?
AND, are there writing classes for her? In-person is best, but online is awesome, too. Any creative class would hone her craft and get her wheels turning.
We want to grow her love of reading and writing, so as much as you can, PARTNER with her on this.
Good luck.
So, let’s say she is “acting up.” Not listening, fooling around, being silly, bothering others.
She is six, which means that if she is neurotypical, she behaves pretty well most of the time and then also has normal kid shenanigans the rest of the time. This means that when life is boring (CHURCH), the child’s mind will find ways to occupy itself.
Some children are more mature than others and can still just stand/sit/wait, but some children cannot control their impulses as long. This is not willful misbehavior. This is childhood.
If she is being REALLY disruptive, I would lovingly take a bathroom break with her. Get a sip of water, maybe run outside a little bit, help her get out her ya-ya’s. Wait a couple of minutes and return to the service. Don’t lecture and punish, that is only watering weeds (paying attention to and growing the negative).
Now that you know that this will be a weekly problem, go ahead and pack a little bag with her of things she can do during the service. I always had a bag of markers, crayons, coloring books, paper, mazes, word searches, etc.
Tech is not welcome at church, but do what you must.
Extend some compassion to your daughter. She is not trying to be bad. She is bored and I think she gets attention from you and this works.
Try heading it off at the pass rather than planning to react. MUCH easier parenting life.
But seriously, I always read “ahead” and I loved it. I devoured the books and I am glad I was not policed. It grew my imagination, creativity and love of reading.
There are always exceptions…
WUUUUUUT.
That wut encompasses all my thoughts and feelings, which are as follows:
1. IMMEDIATELY stop listening to these mothers as they churn their anxiety caldrons and fuel each other’s wrong thinking.
2. Look at this website for a basic list of developmental milestones for the AVERAGE three year old. Remember! EVERY SINGLE CHILD IS DIFFERENT.
3. Find and use and trust a pediatrician whom your child sees regularly.
4. Know that if you read books yourself, if you own books, if you read WITH her, and if you are educated, studies show that your child will also read.
5. Your child is not screwed. She was born with all of her genetic material right there. You are to tend to the environment. Forcing early learning actually DISRUPTS the healthy maturation of children. To understand more about this and what young children really need, read this.
Good luck.
Your parents need you to get over that you were chronically bullied and physically hurt as a child by a family member?
Your parents need you to move past your trauma and fear…to make them comfortable? To make her comfortable? So, what? So you can feel revicimized again? BY YOUR FAMILY?!?!?!
Holy Moses on the Mountain. Nothing like family to make you shake your head.
Here’s the deal. Rationally, your sister will probably not tear anyone limb from limb now, but your brain doesn’t know that. I am guessing you have not gone for therapy because you are not defending yourself here at all. Your child brain is on full alarm AND IT SHOULD BE.
You were abused in your own home and the people who are supposed to take care of you (parents) didn’t.
And everyone expects you to trust them now?
Here’s the deal. I am not going to even address your parents or sister here, and what you should do with them.
No.
My only advice is that you get yourself to a VERY GOOD therapist to heal that hurt little girl. You need to stand up for her and for the woman you are right now. It is not too late.
Until then, you are not obligated to get over a darn thing.
Totally.
Now, my some normal friends whose kids eat dirt and play.
I would almost always recommend going to say goodbye to loved one, and I am still leaning toward it, but there is a lot of juice with this squeeze, huh?
If you feel that your family will be so thrown out of whack for a visit that will end in confusion and fear, it may be best to wait for the funeral. If you don’t judge yourself for this, no one will either. Only you and your partner know what is best. Make your decision, accept the consequences (they stink either way) and know that you are doing your best.
I would not become too attached to his hair, and nor should he.
At 7, the need to feel part of the pack is so strong and not letting him cut his hair could result in miseries that are simply not worth it
Stay in talks with him about it, cut the hair, grow it back, cut it again. It is a fluid situation. More importantly, keep him surrounded by people and activities that are character strengthening and value his special spirit.
Good luck.
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