Nah. I am watching The Bachelor. Brad, I hope you pick Emily. You may not watch the show (you are better off for it, trust me) and you may be wondering “hmmm. A parent coach is watching that drivel?” Yes, yes I am.
Everyday, I literally spend sun up to sun down thinking about parenting and kids. My parenting skills, my kids; your parenting skills, your kids. How do I improve my own skills? How do I improve helping others? How do I get the marker off the walls? (happens at my house, too) By the way, gotta own the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. It is a little miracle in and of itself. But it is parenting, work and kids, kids, parenting, and work, 24/7. I am in the trenches with you.
So, when the sun goes down and the kids are asleep, I sometimes read parenting stuff, do work, e-mail, etc. But I often watch crap TV. Bachelor. Glee. General Hospital (DVR’d, all of it). Gotta check out. Gotta let the brain slide. Tilt a little. Potty training, starting a business, connecting with my husband, talking to my parents and in-laws, buying diapers, checking homework…the list goes on. I know it does for you, too and one cannot stay there mentally, with the to-do lists and the worries. It can hijack everything…your joys, your hopes, your ability to enjoy what you have, right now and right here.
The PARENT COACH instructs you to check out a little. Not in a totally zoned-out, unapproachable way, but in a way that help you box up the worries and lists, and set them aside for a bit. Your child may be intense, challenging, and showing behaviors that are stumping you. You may have trouble communicating with your spouse. You may feel exhausted by everything life is handing you. You go to bed, and you wake up and it is all there. The problems, the obstacles, the work, and the kids.
But we need to STOP. Stop the worrying, stop the thinking, the analyzing, stop the constant fixing! We view our children and our relationships as only problems to be fixed or overcome, and that is mentally and physically exhausting. And, you may have noticed, all that worrying and analyzing doesn’t seem to work.
So, POOF, I release you from the worry. At least for the night. We cannot fully love our kids when we worry and want to “fix” them. Yes, there are issues and we won’t pretend there aren’t. But the kids are not only problems, you are not the only answer, and you need to trust, that for tonight, you have done the best you can for the day. It is over. So watch or read something meaningless. Exercise. Do some yoga. Sit quietly. Mentally release yourself from the responsibility of taking care of everything and everyone. Tomorrow will come and you will deal with it then. Practice letting go for now. Oh, and get the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.