Developmentally speaking, it our parental job to protect our children from awful news.
The reason we do not allow our children to watch cable news or have access to the entire internet is because it is too much. Too much violence, too much anger, too much of adults behaving badly. Too much of all it.
I recently sat on a panel about parenting in the digital age, and the definite message was one of “protection.” How do we protect our children from predators and bullying and bad decisions…all while helping them to grow?
I have protected my children, like you, from many massacres. From Sandy Hook to the Navy Yard Shootings, I have hid newspapers and shut off the TV. I talked about the Baltimore riots with my eleven year old, but I mostly hid it from the rest of the children. I personally followed the events with passion and interest, but did not discuss it with my husband or children.
And then Charleston happened.
Something in me popped.
You, too?
I saw the baby-faced murderer, I stared at the beautiful faces of the people who were praying when they were killed, and I knew it was over.
The time of looking away was over. The time of shaking my head and wondering how, why, who? was over.
We know how this happened.
We know this why this happened.
And we absolutely know who it is happening to.
The time of playing shocked is over. And the time of staying silent is over.
My family, your family. White, black, and brown. Rich, poor, and in between. Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. Religious or non-religious. If you are an American, it is our duty to speak to our children about what is happening in this country. We don’t have to have perfect speaking points. Our children do not need to have just-right responses. We need to simply begin wherever we are. We need to begin.
In The Rule of St. Benedict, the main lesson is: always we begin again. This gives me great comfort. Whenever I have screwed it up, not been brave, averted my eyes, I remember: I can begin again.
We can all begin again. We can allow the murders in Charleston to define us, or we can own this story. We can either proceed with our lives as usual, or we can bring witness to pain. We can either allow our children to not understand racism and how alive it is, or we can begin a gentle discussion. We can either avert our eyes from suffering or we can look at it. Head on. Eyes unblinking. Fully seeing. Without excuses. Without shame.
Meghan,
Is there a way for me to post this on my Facebook page?
As an educator for many years in public schools I can heartily agree with you that, as parents, we need to talk about it to our children and to one another. Years ago we stopped teaching “values” in public schools. Could that have contributed to this killing of one one another our youngsters are doing? Individual values are taught at home, but many without regard to democracy, fairness, or tolerance. Let’s get to it.
Yes.