How wonderful it will be, I thought, just me and my hubby.
It’s been a long winter and we are connecting poorly.
This time THIS TIME is what we need.
Upon driving home, I call him. “I dropped them off! We are FREE.”
Hubby: “I just started throwing up. I feel like shit.”
Me: “Oh.”
Oh, yes. I thought of his welfare first (no I didn’t).
And yes, I worried about how he would get to work (nope, not at all).
Okay…maybe I was a tiny bit PISSED OFF.
We were SUPPOSED TO CONNECT, GODDAMMIT.
I HAD MADE A PLAN. WE HAD CONCERT TICKETS.
Karen Maezen Miller talks about meditating facing the wall. The wall can be a literal wall (which really does suck by the way, until it is an odd relief..and then it is wonderful). Or the wall can be your tantrum-throwing child. Or the wall can be your canceling client. Or the wall can be the rain on your photo-shoot day.
Or the wall can be your vomiting husband when you have MADE PLANS.
WE ALL FACE THE WALL.
All of the time. Day after day. Sometimes minute after minute.
I e-mailed every human I know and pleaded, “I have a concert ticket…will you come? Please…”
Sorry, Meghan…no. I am traveling. I cannot, I am busy. I am tired.
The wall of purchased tickets and no one to come.
I went by myself. I sat by myself. I drank a gin and tonic, by myself.
And the music was better.
No one to make small talk with…no one to check in on…no one to say, “HEY, aren’t we CONNECTING SO WELL?”
I bounced my head to the music. I watched these people create total craziness (do you know how fucking creative people are?)
I came home and took care of my husband. Got him the ginger ale and chicken soup.
He’s doing better.
Life will present what it needs to, when it needs to present it.
And the hubby and me? We are all good. As soon as I dropped my desperate need to attach…we were all good.
Huh.
This post was inspired by this brilliance, right here.