My son turns 5 this summer and can start kindergarten in the fall. However, I notice a big trend of people holding their summer boys back a year. I know it obviously depends on the kid, but do you have any words of wisdom or resources on the subject? I have a very smart, articulate son who is also very sensitive and small for his age. His preschool teacher thinks he will do well either way. I also worry about kindergarten becoming too academic- when I went to kindergarten we napped and played.
Oh, this is tough.
There is strong data that supports that another year can REALLY help a child, not because of the children per se, but because of how academic K has become. This extra year can do a number of things:
1) allow the child more time and space to develop in a LESS STRESSED manner
2) all for more play and less sitting and “listening”
3) allow him to physically get stronger and taller
So, it would seem that I am saying hold him another year…
BUT, it all depends on your child, the school, and what you feel in your heart is best.
I know it is hard when the answer is not obvious…
And when I read your question, it feels like you are looking for permission to keep him back a year. If that feels good…do it. It will be okay.
Trust yourself. It will be okay. You are clearly a concerned and loving parent and that is what matters the most.
My little one is about to leave a small intimate daycare to go into a toddler program at a much larger institution. She is totally ready developmentally but how do I make the actual transition comfortable for her? I don’t want misery for weeks and weeks. Thanks for any tips!
Hmmmm…
Well, I am guessing she is two? Three?
The tough bit about this age is that all the talking we can do to prepare someone is largely unhelpful here.
Here are my ideas:
1) As much as you can, bring her to “visit” while you are there. Play with some toys, etc. This will allow her to slowly drink it in (the smell, the sights, etc.)
2) Take pics of the teachers and get details about them: Fav color, food, animal and revisit these at home. Better yet, get your daughter in the pic with the teachers.
3) Get ready for some tears and clinginess. No matter what you do, there is going to be some sadness here. Get the lovies ready (special blankies, stuffed animals, etc.) as well as a little picture of you she can out in her pocket all day.
3) Focus on when you will see her again and what you will do when you see her.
4) Up the hugging and snuggling, especially at night. Let her know that it is okay to feel so so sad. Just keep normalizing and getting that special time in there.
Good luck.
Meghan, We take our children to church every Sunday. The other morning, my 6 year old daughter asked me over breakfast if I believe in Jesus, and went on to say other people don’t believe in Jesus and that’s not right. They’re at that age where they’re processing everything to be either right or wrong. I wasn’t prepared so don’t think I answered it very well. We’re trying to teach our children to be kind and respectful to others and I want them to not be judgmental of others that are different or don’t think the same way. Just wondering if you have advice for how to respond the next time questions like this come up?
This is a tad confusing, because in one breath you told your daughter that “people don’t believe in Jesus and that’s not right,” and then you said you don’t want the children to be judgmental…
Ummm, you just were super-judgmental.
Many humans on Earth don’t believe in Jesus….so….
Religion can feel touchy, but it doesn’t have to be.
Use these questions as a wonderful sociological/historical/geographical opportunity to explain the world.
You can talk about the Abrahamic religions, the religions in the East, non-religious yet spiritual people…it goes on and on!
Be open-minded and honest…and yes, you can always say, “our family believes and practices…., but people everywhere do things differently! It is what makes being a human so cool.”
So, check yourself for your own judgements…and be open and honest with your children!
In your opinion, does this method work? And if so, does it work for every situation or should it be used as a last resort? Thanks!
IMHO, time-out’s do not work in most situations, and in the few situations where they do “work,” the actual working bit is causing relationship damage between you and your child.
They are not worth it as a last resort, either.
I read the question to say that the DAUGHTER said that other people don’t believe in Jesus and that it wasn’t right. Not that the mom said that. I read it as we don’t know what the mom said exactly to the daughter.
Ah! Well, if that is the case I read it wrong! My apologies…
If the 6 year old is saying that, then you just begin an inquiry, “tell me more about why you think that….”
And then I like saying things like, “well, I love chocolate milk and Daddy doesn’t. Is Daddy bad?” and seeing where the child takes this.
The child is showing signs of immature thinking (which is normal), but it great for parents to gently and lovingly challenge it! Keep the dialogue going and allow time for thoughtfulness….
Do we install software to spy on a teen or hope a thousand discussions about right and wrong sunk in somewhere along the way?
Blurg.
I don’t know.
I really don’t.
That industry is BLOWING up right now, and I get it.
As parents, we are so behind the 8 ball on technology, it is pretty frightening.
And we feel like danger is looming behind every click. Which is not necessarily true…
At the end of the day, you know your child best…so what do you think? What do you think is necessary?
My 4.5 year old has begun waking up around 3am every night and then yelling for me to come fix her bedsheets that are a little missed (not even tangled!) from tossing and turning. If I try to ignore it and keep trying to sleep she is relentless. I am literally at my wit’s end as this is now a nightly occurrence. Please help me figure out a way to end this behavior.
Yikes…
This type of stuff gets SO tiring, literally and figuratively.
There is not much to be done (sorry, I want to be more encouraging), but here are some ideas:
1) Say to her, “I notice that you are losing your blankets are getting messed up at night, so we are going to use this ONE comforter that you can pull up all by yourself…” And then make it really easy.
2) I really see this as a connection issue…so I would cuddle her at bedtime and say, “I am giving you all my cuddles, and these last all night. ALL NIGHT.” And then I would stay a little longer then I normally do. I would do this for weeks (or as much as I could).
3) I would let her cry a bit at night…see if you cannot get to the other side of it. Allow her to be “relentless” and see if she cannot get herself to sleep.
This will pass…
Two points: First: You are ascribing to the lw, what I thought were words coming form the child. Second: Jesus said he is the only way to heaven. A child learning Christianity will learn this and need to process this.
Sure, I agree.
And children can process this AND process that others do not believe this. And those people are good and normal people.
I see questions about this a lot and as a non-parent I’m curious….why do people even give teenagers smart phones in the first place, knowing that they have zero control over what the kid does with it? Does a teen even need one? Why not use a dumb phone or a phone with no data plan or internet?
Like it or not, the primary way teens communicate with each other (and their parents, quite often!) is through a smart phone.
You can try to opt out of this…but it is pretty darn hard to do. Trust me.
And like or not, we have an obligation to help our children use this technology responsibly.
Not giving it to them until…college? I am not sure how that could benefit anyone.
Yes, I loathe the phone sometimes….but it is okay. You just gotta work to maintain the relationship with your child.
It’s not easy, but who said life and parenting was going to be easy?
I have a 14 month old that already has 12 teeth and is working on the incisors, but the most we can get him to do is chew on the brush and maybe move it around a little bit for a minute or two. I’ve tried making it a game where he finishes my teeth and I finish his, brushing as a family, modeling brushing and letting him help, etc., but he absolutely will not open his mouth for my husband or me to help. One friend told us to pin him down and make him since treating tooth decay isn’t a walk in the park for young kids, but this doesn’t seem quite right either. Any advice?
Good grief.
Yeah, pin him down and shove a brush in his mouth if you want to traumatize him and make him NEVER. BRUSH. HIS. TEETH. AGAIN.
NO. Don’t ever pin a child down for anything unless it is so medically necessary that the absence of whatever is needed would be mortally harmful.
Chew on the brush, movie it around for a minute.
Clap and smile every time he does it.
Brush your teeth “together.”
Mimic how he does it, like “show mommy or daddy.”
Have a teeth brushing song that you always sing.
No matter what, make it fun and silly.
HE’S A BABY.
This whole religion thread brings to mind a parenting dilemma of my own: how to get your child to avoid hot topics with other kids. My kid will happily debate religion with other kids. Some of the kids are fine with this, some freak out and go to their parents to tattle on the little atheist kid. She knows full well that everyone is entitled to their world view, in so far as it doesn’t encroach on other’s freedoms, but she still seems to love to open that can of worms and I have really not appreciated at least one of the angry parental reactions directed my way. How do I get this kid to develop some judgment, especially when she clearly finds the shocked reactions amusing?
Okay, I gotta be honest with you.
I kind of love your kid.
I love a feisty, interesting & debating child.
I don’t know how old she is, but it IS time to start a DIALOGUE (note, I am not saying a LECTURE) about the difference between a discussion and words used to shock (NPR COMPARED to CABLE NEWS *cough cough*).
She is a bit of an instigator and life and peers will eventually (maybe?) shame her out of it, but since she is so smart…HELP her.
Lovingly challenge her, allow her to shock YOU, and steer her toward being STRONG, OPINIONATED and SMART without being shocking for the sake of it.
Tough work, but worth it.
Even for those who do believe that Christianity is the only way to heaven–you can still teach your kids that your belief is between you and God, and that the other people’s belief or lack thereof is between them and God. In other words,your job is to worry about YOU. (When and how to evangelize is for when they are older).
Welp, I couldn’t have said that any better.
Thanks. 🙂
So my mother wants to know some helpful ways to raise transgender teens. Any tips for both sides?
Start with PFLAG!
Find this over on The Washington Post.