On Parenting: Meghan Leahy takes your questions about parenting 1/20/2016

Do you suggest any books on raising an only child? My sister and I are less than 2 years apart and my husband is a younger brother. Our first child is going to be born soon, and we are realizing that he may very likely be an only child. This is a foreign concept to us — not bad, just I can’t imagine life without my sibling (we are VERY close) and I think I’d feel better reading a bit more about raising an only child. Just to be clear, I know many wonderful adult only children. It’s just that it is still a foreign concept not to have a sibling close because in our families and most families that we grew up in, bigger families or close-aged siblings were the norm. I’d like to do some reading as I adjust to this possibility.

How do we get our two kids (4 and 5!) out of overnight diapers? We’ve tried underwear, no drinks after 7, pee pads. What do you find is the best way to transition? We somehow did this with our first without problem, but the other two we just can’t transition.

I wrote in a few months ago about my 8 year old daughter who was afraid of dogs. I got her a 14 week old puppy and she was scared. You advised me to continue doing what I was doing which was let her come around in her own time. Well, I wanted to let you know that my daughter and the puppy are now inseparable. The turning point was when I asked her if she wanted to help me give him a bath. Once she saw him totally soaking wet, small and harmless, she couldn’t understand why she had been so afraid. Her fear seemed to evaporate overnight. In fact, it went from her being afraid to me saying “please leave the dog alone!” But I am very glad it all worked out and she is even able to be in the room and is much less fearful of larger dogs, although she’s not ready to pet them just yet! Of course, she is now asking for another small dog….but thank you for your encouragement. It all worked out!

PLEASE HELP! My dear 10 year old son has, for the past three months, refused to sleep in his own bed, or alone for that matter. In turn he has been sleeping with my spouse in our bed, and I’m in my kiddo’s bed. I do not know what has prompted this and we have talked with him about what he is fearful of, how he can get back to sleeping in his own bed and why it’s important for mom and dad to have alone time at night. Prior to his coming to our bed he would periodically sleep with his younger brother, and he has never been a great sleeper. I have asked about what else might be going on for him either with friends or at school that might be causing him to not want to be alone but have come up empty. he is a seemingly well-adjusted and confident child, save this problem. But, this is causing quite a bit of distress in our house at night. We would like to get him back to sleeping on his own, in his own bed and are unsure how to start this process. Every time we bring gently bring this up he is steadfast in that he can’t do it. We know that he can! Please please, where to start with him?

I am the Aunt in the column from December 16. Meghan, I read your response with interest as well as the comments. My husband and I, after much thought and discussion, decided to send the same amount of Christmas money to all my nieces and nephews as we have done in the past. My husband and I both agreed it was not worth the family mess it would create to not send a gift or have a conversation with my SIL. We will evaluate this each year and will likely not increase it any time soon. We have specifically decided to send money because my nieces and nephews have so many toys and books we don’t feel the need to add to the stuff my SIL has to clean and store. Also, I wanted to address points made in the comments. First, none of my in-laws live within 10 hours of us so we do not see them regularly. Second, I did not personally hear my niece’s comments, my husband did and relayed them to me after they departed. Had he told me sooner, I would have made it a point to speak to my niece. Especially as she is the oldest and the others look up to her and follow her lead. Third, there are ongoing “in-law” issues, but this particular visit was quite challenging, example: my SIL insistence on eating special foods for a dietary “issue” that turned out to be one of those diet fads and not diagnosed by a doctor. (For the record, I did make the requested food items and they went uneaten, even by my SIL, with the kids saying they were gross.) Through it all I have tried to find teachable moments. I certainly did not make any friends telling my nieces and nephew they could not have marshmallows 5 minutes before Thanksgiving dinner. As I said in my original letter, my upbringing was a lot different from my husband’s and through it all my husband has always been nothing but supportive of me. I do look forward to the day when I might be blessed with my own kids so I can instill in them the values my husband and I choose. Two of those values will be gratitude and sending thank you notes. Thank you to everyone for their comments and to Meghan for your thoughtful response.

My child is now 20 months and I have a friend who is newly pregnant. Now that she is pregnant, she keeps making “digs” about the choices I have made so far (birth plan, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, preschool, baptism, etc.). I have just smiled and shrugged it off b/c I don’t want to get into an argument, but it’s really hard to be around her. What is your advice for how to explain that 1. My choices were not an outline for society, but merely my personal choices and 2. I am not going to judge her, so I would appreciate if she stopped with the comments.

My 3 year old (almost 3.5) has been so incredibly difficult recently. EVERYTHING is a struggle. everything. Getting dressed in the morning is a 30 minute ordeal. Everything is no and a screaming fit. The rest of the day is the same. I don’t know what to do anymore – I’ve tried talking quietly, I’ve tried making it a game (“let’s see if you can get your clothes on by the time I count to 20. You think you can do it?”), I’ve tried yelling, I’ve tried putting her directly in her bed when she doesn’t listen and closing the door which she HATES. She goes completely nuts when I do that but at least she then does what I say to do. But I hate how out-of-control angry that makes her. I’m basically at the end of my rope regarding how to make her listen and follow the simplest of directions and feel like I’m failing (and am clearly incoherent by this point…!) Any advice for an approach to deal with this is SO appreciated.

Our 3-1/2 y.o. grandchild loves helping with anything she can manage. She’s excited to help grandpa with the trash by getting a new trash bag out of the closet, opening it, putting it in the can, putting the can back in the cupboard. She recently helped me fold washcloths, asking in between each cloth “do you need help Grandma?” which elicited a “yes I sure do” response. Two questions: First, Any suggestions on what we can ask for help with (we are so used to doing everything ourselves) and second, any way to continue to promote this delightful tendency, or will she just naturally outgrow wanting to do anything that seems like work?