– Don’t lie to them. Don’t promise them it will never happen again. Because it might. And then they are re-traumatized and you are a liar. SO, use language like “sometimes when this happens (mimic the earth’s plates bumping), they keep bumping a little, and so we may feel something else….”
– Which leads to a plan. Kids LOVE to latch on to a plan, especially a SAFETY PLAN.
Create a picture or list of what you will do if the bumping happens again. What are the steps? Where will everyone go? Who are the neighbors you need to know? Special numbers on the phone?
– Then PRACTICE! This can be fun (don’t shake the bed or anything dramatic), so practice when everyone is relaxed and ready to try the plan. This also shows where your plan needs tweaking. Make sure everyone (mostly) signs off on the plan.
– Information is your friend. Go ahead, find the child-friendly sites that show what an earthquake does (NO HAITI PICS, OR ANY OTHER PHOTOS THAT SHOW DISTRUCTION. KIDS WILL THINK THAT IS THEM ANY MINUTE. BIG NO-NO). But the science stuff is cool to learn about and demystifies the whole scariness of everything. What is appropriate? Ask your local librarian. Any book that lists the age as two or three years older than your child may get a little too scary.
– Empathize with listening and hugs. A little but of talk is okay, but I find it only serves to ramp things up, emotionally speaking. Listening while nodding and making “uh-huh” noises work pretty well for almost all problems, and yes, it does ease anxiety.
– DON’T TELL THEM NOT TO BE SCARED. They already are, so that ship has sailed. You want to make statements like “It WAS a little scary, wasn’t it? And you know what? We made it, we are all here. Mommy and Daddy are going to take care of you.”
– Try to distract a little. If they seem to be getting fixated, try to change the channel. Get them involved in a craft or project or activity they love. The special Legos or Polly Pocket can come out for this…
– And, most importantly, if you fret and worry with and for them, your kids are reading you like a book. They can literally FEEL your energy, so get relaxed. Seriously. Yoga, books, tea, turning off media (HEAVILY recommend that), whatever. Your kids cannot chill if you can’t.