My anxiety started, really kicking-my-ass-started, when I was pregnant with my third baby.  I was feeling uncomfortable with my life, and that discomfort grew into full-tilt anxiety.

As people who suffer from anxiety know, a point comes where even the persons who love you most (my husband), say “enough. There is nothing left to say here…” and then, you get yourself some help.

So, after a year and a half if crying and talking, talking and crying, my therapist and I parted ways and I was “better.”  Which only means that now I have tools, systems, and ways to handle the “voices” that want to make me crazy.

Why tell you this?  Well, the anxiety started to come back.  Except this time, in the form of apathy and full-on fatigue.  It was like my life was set on one of those really DULL Instagram i-Phone settings…everything covered over with an awful film.  I don’t talk to people about it because I am supposed to have it together (which I pretend to, all of the time, which is part of the problem…but I digress), and so this is how I went about my days.  Dulled.

I would pull myself out of it with some excellent yoga, seeing friends, my clients always inspire me….but….home I went, and boom.  Dull film.

Things were amiss.  Too busy.  Too crazy.  Too stressed.  Too fire-putting-out feeling.  But it was generalized…I couldn’t see it clearly.

Last weekend I went to the beach with my three girls (lovely husband traveling away) to see some family.  My eldest had not brought her homework, as instructed, and then ‘fess’d up to some tall tales she had told during the week.  I got angry and she cried.  She said, “I am just so tired.  I am so stressed.”

She is eight.

And just like that, I understood.  We needed to quit.  Quit it all.  Well, not school…bit everything else, for sure.

I talk to husband on phone Sunday and by Monday we had quit Piano, Hip Hop, Tai Kwon Do, Chorus, and a couple of other little activities that we had going.  These activities were spread among both the four year old and and eight year old, and my husband said, “Don’t you think this is a little ‘whole kitchen sink-ing it?'”

Yes, yes it is.

The driving.  The dropping off.  The picking up.  The homework.  The not-having-dinner-ready-ever.  The me-always-on-my-phone-trying-to-work.  It all had to stop.

We are free.  I allowed Ballet to stay, because my eldest said, “I cannot live without dance, Mom” and I believe her.  And the four year old will do weekend soccer in the Spring.  But the weekdays?  They belong to our family again.

My anxiety has lifted…until it comes back.  I know it will…it is part of who I am.  But these small parenting triumphs are just that; triumphant.

The kids cried, they couldn’t believe Daddy and I would cancel somanyamazingthings, but then POOF – they were happy.  Happier.

So, there you have it.  The parent coach.  Taking her own advice.  Feels good.  Will try again.  Soon.

 

 

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11 thoughts on “The Whole Kitchen Sink…”

  1. I love this! You are living the life you want to live–not the one that people in Washington think you should live. I try and do the same and it is not always easy. I have my child in very few things because I am not going to make myself crazy. Sure, I volunteer too much and work a lot but the reality is they are things that I choose to do for me and I am not going to inflict the same insanity on my sweet child. So, hats off to you Meghan!

  2. Love this. I love how life is just like packing a bag for a vacations. You initially wanna stuff everything you can inside…..then you realize eventually that you don’t need that much to get through 🙂 Thanks for your honesty. Much Luv, Laters

    • thanks for reading! and yes, I definitely was packing it all….it is amazing how it can become like that without one noticing… 🙂

  4. That’s so great, Meghan! Good for you. I am a mom who’s easily overwhelmed, so I don’t sign up my kids for a lot of stuff, then feel guilty that they’re bored or I’m short-changing them. But deep down, I know it’s not lessons & activities that are most important. We’re all happier when we do less.

  5. Thank you for sharing this! So glad to know I’m not alone! Sometimes having a structured schedule seems easier, like it’s something to hang my hat on and for my son to look forward to. But I overdid it this winter and am feeling the dread. How do you handle summer? I have a social kid who loves activities and a baby/toddler who doesn’t go down for naps easily (we’re working on it!) Being home all day with both of them stresses me out more than anything – I feel like none of us get our needs met! And yet I also want time for lazy exploration and spontaneous trips. Except that my health isn’t great and I can’t really eat out much (or anything not from scratch) or I get sick. I can’t figure out the balance between taking care of me and taking care of them and just plain having fun.

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